"I wrote the story myself,
it's about a girl who lost her
reputation and never missed it."
-Mae West

As a teenager, it's a common thing to be asked by adults looking down on teenagers as next to nothing, "So, have you been 'in love'?" My response is always, "Of course not, I'm 16, I have my whole life to be in love." Usually, they look at me confused, or speechless, then walk away.

The truth is, I've been in love. Twice. Not teenager puppy love, but in love.

As I've written about before, I've had one real relationship. I dated a guy, Josh for about nine months. He was a great guy. He treated me with more respect then anyone I've ever known. I am always so appreciative that that was my first real relationship. It is a constant reminder that I can have the best, and I will.

Sometimes, when I'm having one of my sulk-fest days, I take out this old little cigar box that he gave me. He painted it gold and it has my name on it. Inside is this adorable necklace with a heart pendant on it. The heart has a key hole in it. The box also contains a few copies of the picture that was taken of us when he took me to my first school dance. I wore a maroon and pink skirt and blouse, he wore a matching pink tie.

I fell head-over-heels for him, and I believe he did to for me.

We eventually parted ways when we had a sudden move to a new city for a new job, one of many moves since then. I've seen him once since then.

A few years ago, I was spending some time back in that city. I invited him over for a catch-up session. It was awkward and disappointing. He had changed so much! Of course, I had too, but it was still a shock. However, he will always hold a special piece of my heart, and I know that he knows it.

The second time I fell in love, it was with some already of age, but not by much. We met at a get-together. He didn't know how old I was (15 at the time) and i didn't know how old I was. We talked for a while and really hit it off.

He came back to my house and we sat outside on the sidewalk stairs, well past dark, and continued to talk for hours. Will, his name was Will. We did eventually find out each others ages, but it didn't matter. We never actually dated, we just spent too many hours have conversations that I will never forget.

I would sit on the stairs with him sitting next to me, his arm around me, and we would watch the stars twinkle and the cars go by.

Eventually, we stopped seeing each other. We ran out of stories to tell each other and stars to count. But, it was nice to know that my heart could skip a beat again.

Anyways, all of this was to ask a simple question, or not so simple: (guys, plug your brain's ears) Ladies, do you believe it is possible for your "biological clock" to start ticking at a younger age then it should?

Please realize that I am not going to go out and have a baby. As you know from a previous rant, that would make me a hypocrite.

But, is it possible, at all?

Having a baby is not easy, taking care of a baby is not easy. It is not fun, cheap, or glamorous. Yet, every time I see a woman on the street with their child or that I see my "nephew", something inside of me... ticks?

I don't want the affection or the love, I want a child. It's as if my time for this is running out before it's begun.

I definitely won't be having children for many years, but it is going to be awfully tough when I have this constant reminder that a child is my ultimate dream, that I want to be a mom.

Anyways, I realize that this is silly, stupid, even. But, what do you think? Shouldn't biological clocks starting ticking in the thirties, forties, fifties? Not this early, not now.

;Jen